Chrestomanci Christopher Chant
by Carolina Leon
Summary: A series of one-shots during the era of Chrestomanci Christopher Chant. From randomness, to action and humor. **HIATUS**
1. The Map

Waha, my first chapter! w I'm planning on having at least 15 for this story, and then a Gabriel De Witt Era~ This may be confusing if you haven't read read The Pinhoe Egg and obviously the prequel. Here's a quick legend for my chappies:

•=POV change

°=time jump

•°•=AN

Hope you like n~n

•°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°•

"This place is so confusing!" Marianne whined for the umpteenth time. The children were all eating lunch after exploring the gardens all morning, Michael Saunders was called off by Chrestomanci in a different world so their classes were cancelled for the week. Joe and Marianne didn't want to go home, so they said nothing to their parents, who still visited every so often, and stayed at the castle to wander about.

Janet saw a point in this, and nodded in agreement along with the brother and sister. "They're right, it is awfully confusing." She added in while Roger and Julia looked confused. They had lived there their whole lives, so it obviously wasn't confusing at all to them. Cat had gotten used to the castle grounds like Roger and Julia, but did get a bit flustered as well.

While a debate fiercely went around him, he had decided to simply remain quiet as he usually did. But then Cat faintly remembered Chrestomanci scolding him about just avoiding arguments, not solving them like Chrestomancis were to do. And so, with a slight groan, Eric Chant cleared his throat.

The others stopped their bickering and glanced at Cat. He had never sounded so superior or important, ever. And he had just cleared his throat! It was almost as intimidating as Chrestomanci's vague-ness. . . Well, almost. "Let's just go around the grounds and make a map. It can't be too hard."

And that was how their little adventure started. Excited by the idea, they all scarfed down their food, except for Cat, who always felt sick when he ate too quickly. And he thought it was just stupid. Not the map idea, but eating quickly to get somewhere quicker. Then again, they did seem very impatient at that moment. With another sigh/groan, he pushed the plate away, and soon enough they were outside, sitting on the gates with a long roll of parchment and pens in everyone's hand.

"Title it 'Castle Map'!"

"Make a legend!"

"We should have arrows pointing to places we don't need to include . . ."

"Let's do what we know right, now, and work on the rest after!"

"Yes, and then we can go find the places we can't recall!"

After a bunch of blabbering, and a certain nine-lifed enchanter's left hand writing away, the parchment now had a semi-bold title, a legend at the bottom, and a basic outline of the grounds and the castle. Roger and Julia quickly pointed to what was where, and Marianne popped off to where they were uncertain about.

Finally, the map was done. And with everyone working together, it was a very fine piece of work. The only issue was the gardens. They were too strange so Cat had simply drawn the area of the garden and wrote "Garden". Everything else was extremely detailed, not to mention accurate. But by the time it was all done, the sun was setting already.

"Well. . . What now? Marianne asked dubiously as they walked around the grounds, making sure everything was really accurate. "Erm . . . Let's make copies?" Janet suggested after a moment of silence. "Brilliant!" they all said in unison, and were about to go off to get paper. Well, everyone but Cat walked off to get more paper and pens. "What about magic?" he called after them. "That's no fun!" Janet called back, laughing. Rolling his eyes, Cat ran after them with the map calling for them to slow. By the time he caught up, they all had stopped, looking up in some kind of horror.

Chrestomanci was standing at the top of the steps to the entrance to the Castle, not looking vague at all, but instead very, very miffed. "And do you know what's on the back of that particular parchment?" Chrestomanci said, sounding almost like a ghost with his vague tone. Cat was barely able to speak, but he managed to anyways, unlike the frozen others, "I-I'm sorry but I had no idea if there was anything on the back." He stammered out in a quick breath. Glaring, almost, Chrestomanci snatched away the map, and flipped it over. It was somewhat worn out on this side, crinkled with ink blotches. But that wasn't what was important. What were the many signatures stating, "Chrestomanci" that covered the parchment. Finally, at the bottom right corner the signature Chrestomanci always used was bold and obviously not protected.

Without asking, Chrestomanci looked at them as if asking if they understood while at the same time asking who got the paper. Joe and Marianne had no idea what he was looking at weirdly for, while Cat and Chrestomanci's children nodded quickly. Hastily, they nodded as well. "Maps can be requested and given to whenever, all six of you. I'm afraid I didn't mention this before . . . Well; now you know. Oh, and Cat, please double-check all papers you decide to carry off." Once more the elegant man said in his normal superior yet comforting tone. All five youngsters relaxed and nodded when necessary. "Daddy, why are you here?" Julia suddenly said before Chrestomanci could walk off. Raising an eyebrow, and looking mildly bewildered, he turned and started walking while saying airily to the wind, "Why, young Cat, do you not remember putting your hand directly on my signature and longing for me to come in order to save you from the most stupid argument you've ever heard?"

Cat flushed with embarrassment while Janet, Roger, Julia, Joe, and Marianne turned to glare at him. Just then Chrestomanci decided he'd rather not want this to happen again, burnt the parchment, and went back to Series 11 for unfinished business. He couldn't help but chuckle as immediately three female voices started to scold Cat and the poor nine-lifer try to defend himself.

•°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°•

Chappies will usually be longer, but school is being a big douche-bag right now so, yeah -;;


	2. Can we go home now?

Our scene opens up in an odd dusty room, everything so dusty you can barely distinguish anything. Well, except for two tall figures looming in the center of the room.

"_Bollocks_." none other than Christopher Chant cursed, before trying to blow some dust off a book in his hands.

That wasn't exactly a smart move, as noted by the two males shortly after.

"That wasn't exactly a smart move. . ." this time it was Condrad Tesdinic, who looked very miffed at the whole situation.

He had been back in his own series for a few months, before Christopher, er, _Chrestomanci_, dragged him back. Apparently he'd found a ruin.

Well, it looked like a ruin. But he was afraid there would be silver there, so he needed someone to help him.

And hey, since he hadn't seen his good old buddy Conrad in three months (three months too many, if you'd ask him), the latest Chrestomanci decided to go and pull him off with him.

The ruins weren't exactly anything totally important, but seriously. When you're strolling around a pleasant countryside in Series 2, with a mild buzz of magic, and you fall into invisible ruins, something's up.

But the whole ruin had a very thick layer of dust, which brings us back to Christopher dumbly trying to blow off the layer of dust.

The dust that didn't latch onto his silk shirt and expensive trousers flew up, and seemed to hug his face, not to mention embed itself into his hair.

When Conrad noticed what he was up to, the man stepped back knowingly, and avoided the cloud of dust. When the dust finally settled, he laughed at what was in front of him.

Christopher was completely covered with a thick layer of dust, and the book barely lost any dust.

The poor man's suit was ruined, and he was very annoyed. Scowling, Christopher dropped the book with disgust, and proceeded to try a cleaning charm.

While he was obsessing over his fancy new clothes, Conrad went over to investigate the book.

It opened easily, but the words looked worn, and. . . No, it couldn't be. . . Could it?

"Christopher, come here and look at this. . ." Conrad said warily, and couched down, balancing on his toes. The floor was also very dusty, and he didn't want to end up all dusty like his comrade.

The newly-cleaned man went ad bent over to look at the book Conrad was reading, and suddenly put his elbow on the crouching man's head, and shifted most of his weight to him.

"My god, I was right! Something is up with this place!" the new Chrestomanci exclaimed, dumbfounded at the book. After his friend had opened it, the words started to slip down.

Now they were all bunched down at the bottom, and a few letters were dripping down.

Confused, Conrad moved the book around, and the letters moved around as he moved it. It made Christopher confused, and dizzy, so he angrily slapped the book.

The words seemed to flinch, and went back to normal, even as Conrad had been spinning the book.

Exchanging a look of shock, the two glanced around the room. It was dusk, and the room seemed much darker than usual. It was a small room, but there were bookshelves and odd shapes all over, everything covered with dust.

All of a sudden, the room seemed very frightening to Christopher, and mildly to Conrad. "Can we go home now-" the more elegant, and still slightly dusty, of the two started, but was interrupted by the other.

"Don't be a chicken, let's just investigate before dark, since I see you're scared." Conrad said mockingly with a grin, and stood up to place the book back on the shelf.

Christopher vaguely glared at his friend, and went off to see what the odd shapes were. When he touched the queer shapes, he felt an odd tingling. Not in a good way. It was sort of like how he felt with silver. . . But very muffled so it was more of a shock.

While he was deep in his thoughts, Conrad was pulling sheets off other items, revealing slightly less-dusty plants. "_Plants_-?" he asked to no one in particular, very confused. The way everything had so much dust, it seemed like it had been there since forever. But, everything was so up-to-date with the series.

It made no sense, and it seemed like a spell. All of a sudden, an idea hit him. "Christopher," he barked, scarring said man, who was closely investigating a dusty sphere attached to a triangular. . . thing.

"_AH_!" he breathed, and toppled onto the sphere. Clutching the rotating sphere, even though it looked more like he was hugging it, Christopher spun himself around to glare at the man who frightened him.

He was about to asked what was it, in his most authority-filled voice, but was interrupted. _Again_. "What was that spell you used to clear the dust off yourself?" Conrad asked, peering at the sphere-hugging man.

"Uhm. . . It was just a super duster spell. . ." the sphere-hugging man embarassingly admitted. "_What_? Actually, skip it. Just use it. . . . On the room." confusing himself, Conrad managed to ask this of his friend.

In a blink, the room was suddenly warm and cozy, with not a speck of dust. "AHA!" Conrad exclaimed excitedly, examining all the sculptures and books and plants that were now visible. But one thing was common with everything, he soon noticed.

And it answered why Christopher being so quiet. Everything was made of silver. Except the books, of course. But everything else, even the plants, were solid silver. Imagine how expensive it was. . .

But that wasn't what was important. What was important was that, with the dust removed, the silver affected Christopher so much he toppled backwards into a tangle of silver plants, too weak to get out.

For some reason, his weak mind managed to think that this all seemed curiously like a trap. . . But he was interrupted by this thought as Conrad rushed over, and started babbling apologies as he pulled his friend out.

Once he was out, the Chrestomanci was sure he would be better, but he was wrong. The floor was solid silver as well. "_Bollocks_. . ." he only managed to curse, with his weak state.

He had many other things that he wanted to say, but the silver was killing him. Literally _and_ metaphorically.

Conrad wasn't exactly weak, or strong either, so it was trouble dragging the sack of potatoes that was Christopher Chant. Once he got out of the ruins, the two seemd to get revived.

Panting on the ground, both of them, Christopher tried to regain his strength, while Conrad recovered and jumped up.

Mainly because there was a rustling in the bushes disguising the ruins. "Christopher, get up, you're fine!" he hissed, getting in the position of a boxer.

Christopher was playing the tragic hero, but Conrad's stance was so ridiculous he erupted in fits of laughter. "_What's so funny?!_" Conrad snapped, still trying to look intimidating. Christopher was busy rolling around on the floor with laughter while poor Con tried to shut him up.

Out of nowhere, a snake-like dragon popped out of the bushes. Now, let me explain one thing: Christopher is as deadly afraid of snakes as Conrad is to dragons. So, what happened next, albeit highly comical, was very expected.

Christopher jumped up in a flash into Conrad's arms, yelling out in fear as Conrad was yelling almost as loud as the scared Chrestomanci. The snake-dragon-thing glared at them disgust.

"Hoooooow did you knoooooow iiiiiiiit was aaaaa traaaaaap?" it hissed, extending random vowels with a rattling hiss. The two manly men just continued screaming.

"Ssssssssssstop that!" the snake hissed once more.

The two screamed louder.

"Ssssssssssssstop!" the snake half hissed, half roared.

The two quieted up immediately, quaking with fear. Not before Conrad dumped Christopher, who was making his arms ache, onto the floor. The previously-elegant and intimidating man squeaked in fear and dove to hide behind Conrad.

"Do that boxy thingy!"

"I thought you said it was lame!"

"I never said that!"

"But you _laughed_ at it!"

"Just do it!"

While the two argued in hysterics, constantly going around in circle, trying to get the other in front of him, the snake-lizard was furious.

He had gone out of the way to set up a very weird ruin to attract the Chrestomanci, and kill him with his weakness. All to be able to freely cross series and destroy rule all the series', but no.

He had to bring his bum boy or something, and now they were acting like crazy people. Was he even that scary? No, he wasn't. So ha!

The snake-dragon then realized it was talking to itself, and angrily roared at the two.

Frightened, the two froze in mid-spin, and tumbled to the ground. "Aha, my chance!" the snake-dragon said excitedly, still talking to himself.

As the creature suddenly zoomed towards it, Chrestomaci screamed and threw a random spell at it.

Conrad would've as well, but he was currently facing the other way, half under Christopher, half twined, and half above him. . . Wait that's three halves. . . . Oh well, you get the point.

After a pop, Christopher seemed to regain his elegance, and pulled himself off the ground, and lifted him and Con up to their feet. "What happened?" Conrad mumbled, absently shoving Christopher out of the way to see where the monster had been.

In it's place was a very confused poodle, with it's eyes crossed. The odd thing about the poodle was that it was the same color as the dragon-thing had been. Greenish-blue.

"Can we go home now?" Christopher whined, not liking how the day had gone. Conrad sighed absently, shoveled up the odd dog, and shrugged. "I'd prefer it if we did." he commented, and with that they returned back to series twelve.

-------------

With a sigh, Millie then absently petted something blueish-green and fluffy in her lap as four kids sat in front of her.

It had been a rainy day, and the four had wanted a story after lessons. So, Millie decided to tell the tale about how they got the odd poodle that constantly spinned in a circle in Chrestomanci's study, and scared the shit out of Conrad whenever he visited, and Chrestomanci even more.

"Do you now understand why the two hate this precious little thing?" she said airily, turning the poodle for it's cross-eyed gaze at her children, niece, and nephew.

There was an awkward silence in the room, and Janet suddenly asked,

"Did Chrestomanci really jump into Conrad's arms?!"

•°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°••°•

**Thanks to my first reviewer, Hello Anyone There, for giving me total inspiration for a spur-of the-moment story! I also have an idea for another one, so you'll expect the next story by the end of the week! Reviews loved, of course : P**


End file.
